Have you ever looked through various tags on tumblr, just for the heck of it? I stumbled upon “hate parents” tonight. It contained some of the most atrocious things I’ve ever read. It is very difficult to generalize, simply because one has to keep in mind that honestly, there are shit people out there who treat their children without any love to speak of, but all of those can’t be entirely attributed to the faults of parents.
I think everyone feels varying degrees of frustration in respect to their parents, simply because for the larger part of life already lived, they are the authority figures, and everyone, to a certain extent, does have issues with authority. But it shouldn’t result in anything close to hate. Parents are perfect martyrs. Giving up really more than half of themselves to influence and grow this cluster of cells. And they can’t really expect much in return. Garden the formative years and hope for a phone call every once in a while.
Except that’s kind of ridiculous. Because I can’t think of any singular person that has influenced my life in the same ways my parents have. And I don’t know if I can ever repay the debts that have accumulated over the years. I don’t have to, either, is what is truly shocking about it. It’s almost like a pay it forth loan. But they also happen to be the people that can cause me the most pain.
I’m not talking pain in the ass kind of pain either. I’m talking the heart breaking kind. Because I don’t like getting attached people for the sole reason that they will leave. But I couldn’t help getting attached to my parents. I couldn’t help loving them, because they loved me first. And one day, they’ll leave me. Forever. Somewhere I’ll never be able to reach them. And that makes me horribly sad. Maybe I’ll be gone first. But if I’m not, I don’t think I can imagine the horrible agony. How does one say goodbye to two people who shaped you, gave you life…everything? And how do you live with that for the rest of your own life? I suppose people have figured it out. Most everyone experiences a parent dying, simply because that is the way of life.
But I feel like I’ll just be a ball of sadfuck for a very long time. Death seems inevitable. I don’t know if I’d ask for immortality for anyone but them. But I think that I will do my best, whatever I can do, to make sure that they’re happy and content with their lives and what I’ve accomplished before they die.
Love is stronger than hate. I don’t think anything is more exemplified in a parent/child relationship.