Because all of it is really just freaking me the fuck out. And I think I can handle it. But you never really know. And I guess I sort of felt it coming, and it felt like “Oh, man. I’m getting really lazy”. But know it feels like all this laziness just accumulated and now it’s butt fucking my emotional stability because I’m just so worried.
And I just want to sleep all the time because then I don’t have to think about anything that I need to worry about. But there are a lot of things that I need to do and take care of, and there are a lot of standards that I set for myself that I just can’t seem to uphold, and everything just feels fucked.
Of course, everything isn’t fucked. But I just feel so very shitty about everything I do that it feels difficult to be grateful about everything, which I should be. I just need some painful self gratification. Because that just serves as a sort of reminder. And also justifiable action. Sort of like negative therapy.
It’s just been an awful day.