I’m unsure if this is an “I told you so” moment or a “Oh fuck” one.
It doesn’t really matter, also.

You really don’t need to remind me that you can always get hotter girls than me. It’s painfully obvious when I look at you, and painfully constant when I look in the mirror.

“In total, they have raised an amazing $10,000 for me. After Ms. O’mara brought the money to me, I could not help crying when I was counting，as most of the money were one dollar bills and five dollar bills and I knew they must have been their pocket money or lunch money. In brief, they have made my teaching job such a rewarding and worthwhile profession. I would not trade it off for anything else in the world.”
This really hit me hard. And the reason is because you know that each of those donations was done out of a split second decision. The decision not to use the extra dollar on a bag of chips, on some soda pop, but to donate it towards a cause that really made a difference in someone’s life.
And there is an immense amount of gratitude for all the parents or students themselves that were able to write checks and really pool their resources, but emotionally, the impact is huge when you see that the snotty, obnoxious little kids that sometimes drive you up the wall cared enough that whatever they could give, they did freely and honestly.
It’s just really beautiful.

you
were
wearing
beige rough
jeans and that
purple fleckled shirt
and a black northface
that seems to suit
you well which
is shocking
because
you never
used to dress
so well but then
again everything
changes and your
beautiful eyes were
rimmed red and i had
my head down because
i didn’t want you to see me
if i accidentally smiled because
that’s what my face is used
to doing whenever my
eyes see you
but this
time
it


was
really
uncomfortable.


and
you walked
away and i looked
back which is something
that i never do but
it just seemed
like i needed
to this time
but you
didn’t
have
the
words and
for that i’m
very sorry.


it was cold and lonely in the park.

It was going so well. And I’m not finally comprehending what this would’ve meant to me before I was desensitized to all of it.
It really sucks. It changes everything, even though the real circumstances of things didn’t change. And I suppose I could be solid and supportive, but the truth of the matter is that I don’t really want to be.
I’m angry, and I don’t know at who.

The neighbor next door just opened his windows for the first time since I’ve had my desk downstairs and left the light on. He’s put tupperware and drinks on the window sill and climbed into bed and is now seated there. I’m not sure what he’s doing but now I’m scared to look up and gaze into space because what if he’s looking.
Good lord this is awkward.
Why couldn’t it have been the attractive exchange student in that room instead of the bald guy?
What if he’s reading this right now. I’d feel terrible.
I think he’s praying. But I want those curtains down again. This is creeping me the fuck out.
He’s currently picking his nose.
9:57 update: HOLY SHIT HE DISAPPEARED FROM THE WINDOW. WHERE THE FUCK DID HE GO. WHEN IS HE GOING TO POP BACK UP AGAIN WHAT THE FUCK.

I fucking hate prom. The entire process. The grandeur, the money, the travel plans and the dresses. And the special fucking underwear you have to get because prom dresses are just so goddamn special.
I remember when I used to be terrifically excited about shit like this and getting all dressed up and wrapped like a birthday present. And just like every little girl, I used to plan out my wedding.
But then I realized, probably with the eminent event forthcoming, that it really doesn’t mean anything at all in the end, except for some pretty pictures to mark the moment that yes, you were there at a fancy ass event whose bill could pay for the meals of a small village in China for a month.
God damn it, this is what people are obsessed with right now. And that’s okay for some bizarre reason.